Cancer Thoughts 14

http://cancerthoughts-sealbeachmichael.blogspot.com/

I usually just sit down and start writing and the words flow, I write about what happened, how I feel and the words come out. I made the decision to try and just write about positive stuff. To limit how and what I think seems to have created writers block. Wikipedia defines Writer's block as a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity, I think I just need to start writing and see what come out and just tell my story, which seems to change day to day and sometimes hour to hour depending on how I feel, but I think everyone must has mood swings, cancer seems intensify those mood swings.

Chemo showed me its bad side over the weekend I think I am throwing up more. There are times when I feel like I can’ move, times when I really do not care at all and all I want to do is sleep, in-between all of that I feel OK.

It is Tuesday so that makes it chemo day, I just got home for radiation and am I having lunch, I think I know how a pet feels now who has a good pet owner, I get the same thing every day for every meal, I have to admit I am not hungry so what more can you ask for. I have the same schedule, wake up and Patty has my breakfast ready, the exact same thing I had the day before, get up shave not much to shave since I have lost all of my whisker’s except for my sideburns, Patty cleans the area around where my feeding tube goes into my stomach. If it is chemo day I take the drugs for chemo, if not then straight to my chair and watch TV and wait for 10:15 at which time I go to radiation, we are home by 11:30 or so and lunch. I have the same thing as breakfast. On Chemo days at 1:00 we go to go chemo, Patty drops me off and I call about 30 minutes before I am done and she comes and picks me up and then home for the night.

Now the good part comes dinner, I can’t wait for dinner I just know it is going to be the best, wait oh my can it be? No it is just like all the other meals, did I tell you it is filling? Somewhere between 7 and 8 we walk, Patty trying to limit how far we go, me pushing to go farther. I told you it is kind of like a dog’s life, the only difference sometimes I go by myself and then I go and go and then go home. Patty worries about me pushing myself to hard and I worry about not pushing myself hard enough. Her problem is she thinks like woman and a caregiver. She thinks my problem is I think like a man. Imagine that a woman thinking different from a man, some things never change.

Please do not think I am treated like a pet, but it seemed funny to me when I draw all the comparisons and they don’t like to leave me alone too much. Seriously one day our Krista, Justin, Madison, Logan and Landon came by and Patty was out to dinner with her sister Sandy. Now Madison is 6 and when they were getting ready to leave she told me and her mom and dad that her daddy was not leaving and he would stay until Patty and her Granny got back, She calls me Buddy and I had to tell her Buddy doesn’t need a babysitter, her daddy left with her and the family but she made sure Patty got an ear full, it was sweet coming from a 6 year old, what can I say, it is dog’s life.

November 4th is 7 days from now, if I can vote so can you, be well. I still choose to Fight on.

Michael