Cancer Thoughts 2

The end of week two and already seems like a lifetime. The last two weeks have been filled with ups and downs.

Week one was results from the first biopsy and the words highly likely were used, a doctors appointment and another biopsy with the doctor asking for a definitive prognosis.

Week two started Monday morning with a 9:00 AM doctor’s appointment with the medical oncologist. We are on the way to the appointment and my cell phone rings and the doctor’s nurse telling me they do not have the results of the second biopsy and doctor may not see me. But she says go ahead and come down here and I will let you know when you get here, if he will see you. By the time we got in the doctor had the results.The first thing you notice is when you sign in no one wants to leave the sign in place until they are acknowledged by someone who can actually get you into see the doctor. With each person who signs in, including me the receptionist has to tell you to go sit down and let the person behind you sign in. The second thing you notice is that for every patient there is someone with them, the caregiver and they are very important and everyone in this situation knows this. The caregiver does all the hard and frustrating things and does there best to keep you off the wall. In my case Patty signs me in, talks to the front desk people, makes my appointments takes care of any phones calls and all I have to do is just show up and let them poke, prod, stick me and promise not to bite the doctor. I have been told it is ok hit and kick them but I can not bite them. They seem to like to poke their fingers in, around and down my throat. I get the impression this will be something I am to expect from now on. The news was absolute and without recourse I definitely had cancer, there was no mistakes in the previous diagnosis. The doctor did not tell us anything we did not already think, but his news left us with no wiggle room there was not going to be any mistakes or sorry we told you the wrong thing, it isn’t just a lump it is cancer and we are going to radiate and poison you to fix this.

Friday August 29th, we are seeing are third oncologist of the week this time it is the ENT surgeon. This appointment is at UCI medical center which is one of those mega medical centers. Unfortunately for me and all of the other head and neck cancer patients who have to see the ENT surgeon you have go to the appointment in the regular ENT clinic not at the cancer center. The front office people do not care and they have no problem letting you know just how much you are bothering them by having to nerve to check in with them and god forbid you actually ask them a question. Now I know not every place is like this and the Chow cancer center is world class, but up to this point the ENT front office staff at UCI is by the far is the least caring and most incompetent group of people I have been exposed to at any medical center.

Patty and I were there and a man walked in by himself, he was very thin and about my age. You could tell he was well into or maybe just complete his radiation for his neck cancer his neck was very brown; his skin had the look of leather and kind of a turkey neck. Now the reason I tell you this is that two days before we had just been with the radiation oncologist who had described that this is what was going to happen to me when the radiation started to kick in. When I looked at him and in his eyes, I saw what could be me in just a few short months, now maybe I will not be that thin but he was me and I was him. I am about to walk in his shoes and begun the same journey he is already on.

The big difference between him and me, is that he was alone and I have Patty. Like most cancer patients he had his binder with all of his stuff. Not unlike the binder Patty keeps for me; it has biopsy reports, test results, authorizations, doctor’s cards and appointment times.

Patty was up paying to co pay and they called him up and the receptionist tells him they can not see him because the doctor’s visit had not been approved by the insurance company and that each visit has to be pre approved, and this visit was not yet approved. You could see the anger and rage in his face and the frustration was far beyond anything I have yet to face. He was alone, his hearing was almost completely gone from the radiation and this uncaring and indifferent woman was screaming at him. He pulls out from his notebook what he believed was the authorization to see the doctor but she was not having any of it and he tuned and walked out, one more time, one more disappointment and no one cares and no one to help him.

I looked at Patty and her at me we were both crying and we both wanted to help, but we to paralyzed and afraid to help. We have are own problems and he was gone, Patty and I went into our appointment into the examining room and we did get to see the doctor.

He was your typical surgeon capable, cocky but still caring and I didn’t bite his hand; he is going to do a surgical biopsy on my tongue, which is thought to be the primary site of the cancer. He is going to make sure there are no other tumors hiding anywhere they do not already know about, and this biopsy will also rule out a second form of cancer inside of me called lymphoma, as well. He does not think it is but he would rather error on the side of caution. The biopsy should be September 11th I will send an update after that.

One last thought on the man in the ENT office, I know there was nothing I could have done to help that man see the doctor and I am not sure what I would have said, but I wish I would have said something. I will always regret not trying to reach out and I will always wonder how he is doing.

So now I am sure you may think I am depressed when actually I am as happy as I can be at this time in my life. I have my wife and some of my family with me. I have sisters and a very extended family and friends that care and love me, I think maybe I am starting to understand a little bit about what Lou Gehrig meant when he said he was “the luckiest man in the world”, I to believe that with all my heart

Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean with love Michael