Cancer Thoughs 9

The radiation has damaged my mouth and tongue to the point I can no longer eat. The feeding tube is how I receive all of my food. I am very lucky the doctors insisted on me having it prior to the treatment starting. Thursday morning I was able to eat my standard scrambled eggs and cottage cheese, by lunch eating caused so much pain in my tongue and swallowing was impossible. Patty then tried mashed potatoes for dinner and I could not even get that down. So we simplified the process and used the feeding tube. Of course I still have a fair sense of smell and that is what is so frustrating smelling food you know that used to taste so good and not being able to taste or eat it. To find a silver lining in this, the health experts say you should eat to live not live to eat. I for one have always chosen the later but now eat to live.

The feeding tube is simple, no taste but I do get full. My nutrition comes from a product called Jevity each can is 250 calories and I will be having 2 cans for each meal, which along with 2 bottles of vitamin water will give me 1750 calories for the day. What I noticed today is an hour after the feeding I felt full so the product does it job and will enable me to keep up my strength and continue my treatment.

Chemo was a challenge yesterday, when the nurse first started the Taxotere I had an allergic reaction, my face got very hot, I threw up but the nurse handled it like a pro she quickly stopped the Taxotere, give me a shot a Benadryl and an IV after that I was fine. She then restarted the Taxotere at a slower rate and I was able to finish the Chemo.

I have already had my radiation today, so nothing to do as far as treatment until Monday. I am tired but am hoping I can stay awake long enough to finish watching the end of the Dodgers, Phillies game. The Phillies won last night but we were in the game and all we need to do is win one in Philadelphia and then bring it home and finish it there. I am hoping all the cub fans are rooting for the Phillies that should be all we need to put us over the top.

I now have to take 2 different pain medications for my mouth, which both are heavy narcotics, I like the fact that it lets me at least have some comfort in my mouth, but it also make me tired and drugged out and that I do not like, it hurts to talk sometimes and my voice is changing. With all this I am quite as well. My personality is changing outwardly but inside I am still the same. This is just something I have to get through and with the help of my wife, family and friends, I will.

Patty, I promise you this is just temporary. I won’t always sleep all day and be sad. I am so sorry for what I am putting you through. I feel you do not have anyone to hold you up, like you have been doing for me. Without you I am not sure how I would get through this. Everyone is so worried about me and I wish you could get out more and do something for yourself instead of having to do everything for me. I love you more than you will ever know and thank you for all you do for me, it does not go unnoticed and I know I am not always nice right now. You are the light of my life and becoming a good husband who participates in this marriage is my goal and keeps me going, I know the best thing I can do for you is to be a good patient, do what the doctors tell me to and get well. Of course when they stop filling me full of radiation and chemo drugs that will happen and with Gods help the cancer will be gone. Patty you make it all tolerable and I love you with all my heart.

I still choose to fight on, be well.

Michael