Monday, January 19, 2009
The last week went very well with the doctors; my Radiation oncologist gave me permission to go back to work on February 2nd and the notes in my medical records made the comment NERD. Now that does not mean he thinks I am a nerd it mean No Evidence of Reoccurring Disease. He also gave me a return to work letter which I have given to my HR department and they have given me the OK to return to work as well.
We also meet with the medical oncologist who gave me the OK to get the feeding tube out. I can not get an appointment with the Gastro doc until January 28th so I have to wait until then to have it removed.
Next week we are meeting a nutritionist who will help with getting me on the right kind of foods. Right now I drink a lot of Boost to supplement my diet. I am hoping to keep my weight where it is for the long term. It would be OK to loose another 15 pounds but I would like to do that with diet and exercise at maybe a pound a week.
For now that is about it, until March at which time I will have my PET Scan which will be the final clean bill of health and then I will be checked ever 6 months for a couple years and then once a year until I get to 5 years cancer free.
The healing process in my mouth is still slow, my tongue is still sore and I hurt my throat eating soup that was to spicy. It will be a few weeks before I have any more news, I will let you know when the feeding tube is out and how it goes with the nutritionist. I am starting a new way of life, a new way of thinking and a new way of living. I have been walking a 1 ½ miles but yesterday extended it to 1 ¾ miles. It is a very slow walk but after a mile I start to sweat a bit and I am tired after I finish. It is a start and one I do everyday. I am sleeping better and doing more around the house each day. That is not say much since Patty has done everything for months.
Let me say I am luckiest man in the world to have Patty as my wife. With out her I do not know how I would have got through the last 4 months. Patty has been there every step of the way. From the first visit to first ENT doctor who ordered the fine needle biopsy and when we got the conformation that yes indeed I did have cancer and every appointment and treatment after that. She held a pail while I threw up in it, got up in the middle of the night to give me medicine. She has supported me, given me hope when I had none, and not only was my wife, but my nurse, and my cheerleader, she was there when I needed her. There is nothing more that you can ask is for someone to be there when you need them and Patty did that. Thank you, I love you with all my heart, you’re the best.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Cancer Thoughts 21
Friday, January 09, 2009
Changes are happening slowly very slowly but they are happening. I am completely off all of the pain medication since Christmas. I am driving a bit; eating all of my meals by mouth the food is pureed still although this morning I had regular scrambled eggs and cottage cheese with no problem.
I am walking each morning and I up to about a mile and a quarter in 30 minutes, I am very tired after so it is a work in progress. My mouth is still has sores on my tongue and inside my mouth. Until they are gone it is going to be hard to add foods. The food must be very bland as it causes a lot of pain. I am at the point where nothing is happening fast enough, I am still tired, my energy is low and have to work at everything.
My concentration is much better; I can actually read now. My neighbors Mike and Mary gave me a book called Anti cancer a new way of life by David Servin-Schreiber MD. PhD. I am reading and studying this book in order to change my life. The book gives ideas on diet, exercise, attitude and ways to stop cancer from coming back. I have bought into it and hope to have a new attitude and a new way of eating.
We are waiting for approval from the insurance company to see a nutritionist to help with my diet while for a number of reasons. One is to give me a diet that will fall within the guidelines of Anti cancer for now that I can puree and still maintain my weight. I have lost another 4 pounds, now if you saw me before cancer you would think 4 pounds is good but I am now about to go under 200 pounds and that is not good, the doctors want me to maintain my weight not loose more. My wife bought a size large pajama bottom that fit just fine. Rick and Justin’s (My step son and Nephew in there late 20’S) bathing suit are a little big on me. If I stay where I am now I am good with it, I do not want to loose any more weight, or go the opposite way and start eating bad and gaining. So the plan is to work with a nutritionist to get the diet down to keep me healthy and cancer free.
I see my entire team of oncologist next week, so I will give you an update after that. I am bored, tired, my mouth hurts and I want this to be over now. I need patients, energy and a positive attitude and right now I am not sure I have them, at least all at the same time. I am doing my best some of the time and some of the time I just get by.
I still choose to Fight On.
Love Michael
Changes are happening slowly very slowly but they are happening. I am completely off all of the pain medication since Christmas. I am driving a bit; eating all of my meals by mouth the food is pureed still although this morning I had regular scrambled eggs and cottage cheese with no problem.
I am walking each morning and I up to about a mile and a quarter in 30 minutes, I am very tired after so it is a work in progress. My mouth is still has sores on my tongue and inside my mouth. Until they are gone it is going to be hard to add foods. The food must be very bland as it causes a lot of pain. I am at the point where nothing is happening fast enough, I am still tired, my energy is low and have to work at everything.
My concentration is much better; I can actually read now. My neighbors Mike and Mary gave me a book called Anti cancer a new way of life by David Servin-Schreiber MD. PhD. I am reading and studying this book in order to change my life. The book gives ideas on diet, exercise, attitude and ways to stop cancer from coming back. I have bought into it and hope to have a new attitude and a new way of eating.
We are waiting for approval from the insurance company to see a nutritionist to help with my diet while for a number of reasons. One is to give me a diet that will fall within the guidelines of Anti cancer for now that I can puree and still maintain my weight. I have lost another 4 pounds, now if you saw me before cancer you would think 4 pounds is good but I am now about to go under 200 pounds and that is not good, the doctors want me to maintain my weight not loose more. My wife bought a size large pajama bottom that fit just fine. Rick and Justin’s (My step son and Nephew in there late 20’S) bathing suit are a little big on me. If I stay where I am now I am good with it, I do not want to loose any more weight, or go the opposite way and start eating bad and gaining. So the plan is to work with a nutritionist to get the diet down to keep me healthy and cancer free.
I see my entire team of oncologist next week, so I will give you an update after that. I am bored, tired, my mouth hurts and I want this to be over now. I need patients, energy and a positive attitude and right now I am not sure I have them, at least all at the same time. I am doing my best some of the time and some of the time I just get by.
I still choose to Fight On.
Love Michael
Monday, January 5, 2009
Cancer Thoughts 20
I am now completely off all of the medications, and I actually can think and feel normal again. My mouth still has sores one on my tongue and one inside my mouth, I am not sure how long they will take to heal but when they do it will be a happy day.
I am now eating all my food by mouth, the food for now gets put into the food processor and pureed, that is good in more ways than one. If we can do this for another week we will have the doctor remove the feeding tube, we don’t want to remove it too soon and then have to have it put back in.
When all the sores in my mouth and tongue heal I will be able to eat more food and chew it up,
The food I eat must be very bland I can not even handle salt on food, creamy soups, mashed potatoes, green beans, cottage cheese, eggs, and protein shakes made from milk, boost, protein powder, and ice cream. For now it is a start.
My next goal is to get my energy level up, that is an elusive target. One day I have energy can walk and do some things, the next day I am tired and just want to sleep and lay around. As time goes by I am sure it will get better.
My last radiation treatment was one month ago today on December 5th. The doctors have told not to expect miracles and that it will take time to recover from the radiation. I see that now but want to be better now.
I have been sleeping through the night for the last 4 days so that is good, the problem is now I am sleeping until 9 AM which for now is OK but on the 19th I am going to set the alarm for 6 AM and get up and start a routine of walking and so I will be ready for work on the 2nd of February.
I would like to tell you I am happy all the time but I am not. I have those moments of doubt and worry about everything from my job, bills, and my health. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming and I get depressed. I need to be positive and focus on my health. This is where I you’re your help, encouragement, and prayers. I love your replies to my Email so feel free to let me know how you’re doing.
Yesterday Sunday the 4th was my Logan and Landon’s 1st birthday they are my grand nephews on Patty’s side of the family. It was fun, I played rock band for an hour straight I am the guitar man, Justin on drums and his sister on vocals. We made it through all the songs we tried and it was another step toward getting better. This is it for now be well.
I still choose to Fight On!
Love Michael
I am now eating all my food by mouth, the food for now gets put into the food processor and pureed, that is good in more ways than one. If we can do this for another week we will have the doctor remove the feeding tube, we don’t want to remove it too soon and then have to have it put back in.
When all the sores in my mouth and tongue heal I will be able to eat more food and chew it up,
The food I eat must be very bland I can not even handle salt on food, creamy soups, mashed potatoes, green beans, cottage cheese, eggs, and protein shakes made from milk, boost, protein powder, and ice cream. For now it is a start.
My next goal is to get my energy level up, that is an elusive target. One day I have energy can walk and do some things, the next day I am tired and just want to sleep and lay around. As time goes by I am sure it will get better.
My last radiation treatment was one month ago today on December 5th. The doctors have told not to expect miracles and that it will take time to recover from the radiation. I see that now but want to be better now.
I have been sleeping through the night for the last 4 days so that is good, the problem is now I am sleeping until 9 AM which for now is OK but on the 19th I am going to set the alarm for 6 AM and get up and start a routine of walking and so I will be ready for work on the 2nd of February.
I would like to tell you I am happy all the time but I am not. I have those moments of doubt and worry about everything from my job, bills, and my health. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming and I get depressed. I need to be positive and focus on my health. This is where I you’re your help, encouragement, and prayers. I love your replies to my Email so feel free to let me know how you’re doing.
Yesterday Sunday the 4th was my Logan and Landon’s 1st birthday they are my grand nephews on Patty’s side of the family. It was fun, I played rock band for an hour straight I am the guitar man, Justin on drums and his sister on vocals. We made it through all the songs we tried and it was another step toward getting better. This is it for now be well.
I still choose to Fight On!
Love Michael
Monday, December 29, 2008
Cancer Thoughts 19
On Christmas day I removed my final Fentanyl patch today is third day without it and it is a whorl wind dealing with the withdrawal symptoms, sick to my stomach, can’t sleep, and I am restless and don’t know what to do with myself. Each day it gets a little better no matter what there is no way I am putting on another Fentanyl patch. If you look up Fentanyl up on the Internet there are horror stories about people trying and not being able to get off it. I will make it. I have Vicodin to get me over the hump while I get over the withdrawal symptoms from the Fentanyl I hope a week does but how ever long it takes I will make it. A full night sleep would be nice, I am not sure the last time I slept all night, you can be sure that is one thing I look forward to.
I am starting to try food out a few bites of scrambled eggs, pudding; eating food is the next challenge.
My tongue, throat and mouth still hurt not like it did but it still hurts. It is still the effects of the radiation and it has been 3 weeks since I had radiation. Dr. Kwan my radiation oncologist told Patty and me it could take two months to recover from the radiation effects. I certainly hope not. I wish there was a way to speed up the process.
The next steps are follow-up visits to the doctors in January. Back to work on February 2nd which I can not wait for. Sometime in late February or March I will have a PET scan and that will tell the story if I am cancer free. If anything shows up on the Scan I will have surgery to remove it if it is clear then just regular follow-ups. Thinking about this is just a little too much for me right now so I will wait until the time comes.
Happy New Year to all of you and your families, God bless you all I hope 2009 is a healthy and healing year for all of us.
I for one will continue to Fight On!
Love Michael
I am starting to try food out a few bites of scrambled eggs, pudding; eating food is the next challenge.
My tongue, throat and mouth still hurt not like it did but it still hurts. It is still the effects of the radiation and it has been 3 weeks since I had radiation. Dr. Kwan my radiation oncologist told Patty and me it could take two months to recover from the radiation effects. I certainly hope not. I wish there was a way to speed up the process.
The next steps are follow-up visits to the doctors in January. Back to work on February 2nd which I can not wait for. Sometime in late February or March I will have a PET scan and that will tell the story if I am cancer free. If anything shows up on the Scan I will have surgery to remove it if it is clear then just regular follow-ups. Thinking about this is just a little too much for me right now so I will wait until the time comes.
Happy New Year to all of you and your families, God bless you all I hope 2009 is a healthy and healing year for all of us.
I for one will continue to Fight On!
Love Michael
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Cancer Thoughts 18
From no updates in months to two updates in a week, it has been a good week so far.
First Patty and I walked Monday night not far but far enough, and then we followed it up by walking just a little farther tonight. It is not much but it is a start and up to me to continue it the more I walk, the farther I walk, the stronger I become and that has got to help. You are walking with me, not in person but in spirit we have started with a block did and then a block and little bit.
At the start when I first started writing the Blog I used it as motivation to stay strong as long as I could. I think about what I want to say and then I write it down and send it out to you. Now I have told someone that I would do something and I feel obligated to do it. You are all walking with me, I have a goal; two laps around the complex which is 1.4 miles once that is done for 5 nights in a row then I will go from there.
The second thing is I am on my second eight ounce bottle of water today, it has taken all day but I am swallowing water and that is a big deal when I can do that without it hurting my throat then I know I can start eating and that is key to my recovery. Food and water eating to live, I am not sure when that will start but I have to believe it will.
I feel very positive today and wanted to share that with you. Merry Christmas to Everyone,. Sunday night a lot of my neighbors came to our house caroling it was wonderful thank you for being there for me, for letting me know I am not going through this alone.
Be well and I still choose to Fight On!
First Patty and I walked Monday night not far but far enough, and then we followed it up by walking just a little farther tonight. It is not much but it is a start and up to me to continue it the more I walk, the farther I walk, the stronger I become and that has got to help. You are walking with me, not in person but in spirit we have started with a block did and then a block and little bit.
At the start when I first started writing the Blog I used it as motivation to stay strong as long as I could. I think about what I want to say and then I write it down and send it out to you. Now I have told someone that I would do something and I feel obligated to do it. You are all walking with me, I have a goal; two laps around the complex which is 1.4 miles once that is done for 5 nights in a row then I will go from there.
The second thing is I am on my second eight ounce bottle of water today, it has taken all day but I am swallowing water and that is a big deal when I can do that without it hurting my throat then I know I can start eating and that is key to my recovery. Food and water eating to live, I am not sure when that will start but I have to believe it will.
I feel very positive today and wanted to share that with you. Merry Christmas to Everyone,. Sunday night a lot of my neighbors came to our house caroling it was wonderful thank you for being there for me, for letting me know I am not going through this alone.
Be well and I still choose to Fight On!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Cancer Thoughts 15
It has been a while since I sent anything out; I have written some updates but just have not sent them, they were too negative and were the same complaints over and over.
But there is an update all the treatments have been completed for the last 2 weeks. The side effects of the radiation are still with me, especially the damage to my tongue and throat that is still causing me some issues. Patty and I met with my oncologist toady and he said they will heal it will just take some time.
The issues I have now are from pain medication they are giving me to control the pain. We saw the Surgeon and my oncologist last week and they were both encouraging that they thought everything was going as it should be.
It is Saturday and I am off of everything but the Fentanyl patch and the Vicodin and that is changing fast. I took the Vicodin every 4 hours without fail, now I am using it two or three times a day once the sores inside my mouth, throat and on my tongue heal we will eliminate the Fentanyl completely and use the Vicodin as needed for a few days. I am hoping to be medicine free by New Year’s Day and then driving again the second week of January. That is my plans, but I have found that my plans do not always work out.
For all of this to happen I have to be able to swallow water and liquids first which I can do a little at this time. I will also have to be able to eat food by mouth. The doctors will not give me a time line when they think this will happen but all of them have told me when my mouth, tongue and throat heal getting off the pain medication, drinking, and eating small amounts of bland food will happen along with it.
When this all started I weighed 250 pounds and was a XXL now I am wearing a size Large and 200 pounds, the weight loss is amazing, the doctor does not want me to loose any more weight and I don’t either.
Today is Sunday, December 21, 2008 it is about 3:00 in the afternoon I have had no Vicodin today and I am hoping to get through the day without it. One more baby step on the way to recovery, for now we are taking it as it comes and that seems to be a minute at a time.
When this all started exercise was part of my daily routine, as the side effects of the radiation and chemo took there toll I could no longer exercise. I think that is turning around now and we Patty and I are going to start walking again; I will let you know next week how that goes.
Be well I still choose to Fight On.
Love Michael
But there is an update all the treatments have been completed for the last 2 weeks. The side effects of the radiation are still with me, especially the damage to my tongue and throat that is still causing me some issues. Patty and I met with my oncologist toady and he said they will heal it will just take some time.
The issues I have now are from pain medication they are giving me to control the pain. We saw the Surgeon and my oncologist last week and they were both encouraging that they thought everything was going as it should be.
It is Saturday and I am off of everything but the Fentanyl patch and the Vicodin and that is changing fast. I took the Vicodin every 4 hours without fail, now I am using it two or three times a day once the sores inside my mouth, throat and on my tongue heal we will eliminate the Fentanyl completely and use the Vicodin as needed for a few days. I am hoping to be medicine free by New Year’s Day and then driving again the second week of January. That is my plans, but I have found that my plans do not always work out.
For all of this to happen I have to be able to swallow water and liquids first which I can do a little at this time. I will also have to be able to eat food by mouth. The doctors will not give me a time line when they think this will happen but all of them have told me when my mouth, tongue and throat heal getting off the pain medication, drinking, and eating small amounts of bland food will happen along with it.
When this all started I weighed 250 pounds and was a XXL now I am wearing a size Large and 200 pounds, the weight loss is amazing, the doctor does not want me to loose any more weight and I don’t either.
Today is Sunday, December 21, 2008 it is about 3:00 in the afternoon I have had no Vicodin today and I am hoping to get through the day without it. One more baby step on the way to recovery, for now we are taking it as it comes and that seems to be a minute at a time.
When this all started exercise was part of my daily routine, as the side effects of the radiation and chemo took there toll I could no longer exercise. I think that is turning around now and we Patty and I are going to start walking again; I will let you know next week how that goes.
Be well I still choose to Fight On.
Love Michael
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Patty's Cancer Thoughts
http://cancerthoughts-sealbeachmichael.blogspot.com/
I write this because I am not sure that Michael will be able to write this week. You see since has last chemotherapy treatment this past Tuesday, he has been so very sick and so very tired. My heart is breaking for him. Sometime I see his smile come through, but usually I just see sadness in his face. This is a face that used to smile, but cancer changes that. I know this is only temporary I am counting down the days until this treatment is done. Because then each day should get a little brighter for him, a little less pain and my old Michael will return. Despite all the pain and sickness this cancer brings to him I am writing this to tell you what a caring person he is and what this man who is so sick did for ME today…. for the past two weeks he has talked about going to a support Group at USC campus. I thought that would be great for him and so of course I would take him. But his week came and he was just so very ill, I felt we would not be able to make it to the support group this time. The last 3 nights have been the worst; we have had no sleep only a few hours here and there. He has been sick to his stomach even when we have to drive to treatment he is sick the entire car ride; we have become very much attached to that little pink pail. This morning he said he still wanted to go to the support group. I asked are you sure you are up to it and he said yes. So I ran around got him his feeding since he hasn’t been able to eat much the last few days it was important that he get some nutrition into him. I went and got gas, tried to grab a slice of toast for myself and help Michael get going. I must admit as I am getting us ready to go I am thinking God I would just like to stay home there is no radiation today, maybe I could get an hour sleep, or maybe I could just watch some bad tv show and drink coffee, I felt like I really didn’t want to go. Not to mention I had no idea where we had to go so Michael would need to help by telling me what freeways to get on and off – we managed and got to USC campus in time for the meeting. On the drive there I watched Michael and I thought to myself you know he really is my hero because if I felt like he does I know there would be no way in heck I would drive all this way to listen to some people I don’t know talk, I would pull the covers over my head and just sleep, but that is not what he does as bad as he felt this was he knew important for his recovery.
As we arrived we were greeted by many lovely people all having some type of neck, throat or head cancer. As we sat down the meeting began and they told us today’s meeting is about thanking our caregivers. I immediately thought G r e a t… I needed this to be about him and cancer and how people like with cancer feel, to share their stories, not about the caregiver! I turned to Michael and said sorry, but he knew this was what the meeting was about, you see he had been exchanging emails with some of the persons who conduct the support group. The caregivers were given a potted flower and they went around the room saying thank you to each of us. Michael had written a thank you to me which he read and there was not a dry eye. It was very emotional and very touching. These people are very special at these support groups and they know just how you feel and what you are going through. It was much better than some bad tv
You see in spite of the pain and sickness Michael is going through, no matter how sick he has been this week. He got up this morning, must have forced himself to go to that meeting, just because he is worried about me is concerned that I am ok and wanted to let me know how much he love me. I cannot put into words how touched I was, and felt a little guilty for thinking I wanted to just stay home today. A very good friend of mine once told me that “Michael was my big angle, here to take care of me” and I truly saw that today.
I am also touch each day by all the people who touch our lives with emails, phone calls, cards, prayer… Thank you does not express how I feel.
Patty
I write this because I am not sure that Michael will be able to write this week. You see since has last chemotherapy treatment this past Tuesday, he has been so very sick and so very tired. My heart is breaking for him. Sometime I see his smile come through, but usually I just see sadness in his face. This is a face that used to smile, but cancer changes that. I know this is only temporary I am counting down the days until this treatment is done. Because then each day should get a little brighter for him, a little less pain and my old Michael will return. Despite all the pain and sickness this cancer brings to him I am writing this to tell you what a caring person he is and what this man who is so sick did for ME today…. for the past two weeks he has talked about going to a support Group at USC campus. I thought that would be great for him and so of course I would take him. But his week came and he was just so very ill, I felt we would not be able to make it to the support group this time. The last 3 nights have been the worst; we have had no sleep only a few hours here and there. He has been sick to his stomach even when we have to drive to treatment he is sick the entire car ride; we have become very much attached to that little pink pail. This morning he said he still wanted to go to the support group. I asked are you sure you are up to it and he said yes. So I ran around got him his feeding since he hasn’t been able to eat much the last few days it was important that he get some nutrition into him. I went and got gas, tried to grab a slice of toast for myself and help Michael get going. I must admit as I am getting us ready to go I am thinking God I would just like to stay home there is no radiation today, maybe I could get an hour sleep, or maybe I could just watch some bad tv show and drink coffee, I felt like I really didn’t want to go. Not to mention I had no idea where we had to go so Michael would need to help by telling me what freeways to get on and off – we managed and got to USC campus in time for the meeting. On the drive there I watched Michael and I thought to myself you know he really is my hero because if I felt like he does I know there would be no way in heck I would drive all this way to listen to some people I don’t know talk, I would pull the covers over my head and just sleep, but that is not what he does as bad as he felt this was he knew important for his recovery.
As we arrived we were greeted by many lovely people all having some type of neck, throat or head cancer. As we sat down the meeting began and they told us today’s meeting is about thanking our caregivers. I immediately thought G r e a t… I needed this to be about him and cancer and how people like with cancer feel, to share their stories, not about the caregiver! I turned to Michael and said sorry, but he knew this was what the meeting was about, you see he had been exchanging emails with some of the persons who conduct the support group. The caregivers were given a potted flower and they went around the room saying thank you to each of us. Michael had written a thank you to me which he read and there was not a dry eye. It was very emotional and very touching. These people are very special at these support groups and they know just how you feel and what you are going through. It was much better than some bad tv
You see in spite of the pain and sickness Michael is going through, no matter how sick he has been this week. He got up this morning, must have forced himself to go to that meeting, just because he is worried about me is concerned that I am ok and wanted to let me know how much he love me. I cannot put into words how touched I was, and felt a little guilty for thinking I wanted to just stay home today. A very good friend of mine once told me that “Michael was my big angle, here to take care of me” and I truly saw that today.
I am also touch each day by all the people who touch our lives with emails, phone calls, cards, prayer… Thank you does not express how I feel.
Patty
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